Moments of Clarity
“If you aim at nothing, you hit nothing”
This week I changed traveling philosophy: choose the first goal that comes to you and make that your next purpose. I'm finding that having random little goals is better than waiting for something to happen to me.
Over the past few weeks, I've been mentally taxed. I'm having to chart my own course and don’t have mentors who have followed this “career path” (for lack of a better term). Anyone who has been there tells me that I have to go figure it out for myself, and as much as I appreciate the validation that this is not something that has a clear answer, it’s all the more reason to feel lost and directionless. In short, I was struggling.
I detailed in my last post that I’ve been trying to find some meaning and purpose in travel. Every time I started this process, I found more questions than answers. How long can I extend this? What am I missing at home? Where are the people I want to talk to about this? Where are the people who really understand me?
I decided to let anxiety stop holding me back.
I came up with a list of things I could do and reasons that I want to travel. Anything that sounded like it would make me happy became something I found opportunities to get involved with. The first thing I wrote down was work in hostels ansd travel; eventually, I got a response from a contact at the Young Monk Hostels to volunteer with them.
A few days later, I was on an overnight bus to Jibhi, a small town in Himachal Pradesh, where they were setting up their newest hostel.
Two weeks of volunteering there gave me new experiences, new friends, and some seriously lonely moments. The experience left me feeling connected to some of the people around me, but less fulfilled than expected. Maybe it was the work, maybe it was the people, maybe it was the place.
I brainstormed goals again and the only thing I could think about was feeling less isolated. I booked a ticket to Manali. My logic was simple: I get along better with foreign travelers who go to the big tourist spots in India. Manali is the closest place I can get to that isn't burning up right now. I got on a local bus and headed over there. I spent a week in Manali and slowly but surely found some of what I was looking for.
On my second day there, I met some Germans. One dinner, one drink, and one weird rave in the middle of a smoke-filled bar later, I was with two people who understood me better than anyone I had met in the last few weeks.
This was not a group in Varkala that made me a more confident person, but it was a group that gave me companionship at a moment when I needed it most.
As my friends moved on to other adventures, I made my brainstorming list again. The next thought that popped into my head was that I wanted to dive (if not for fun, at least so that I would not have to retrain, which was required 6 months after my last dive).
I had my eye on a liveaboard in Egypt when I came across a Marine Conservation Internship in Thailand. I debated the merits for a second and decided that I could always go on a holiday adventure, but right now I needed to learn and work.
One full travel day later, I was on a ferry to Koh Tao. For the first time in a long time, I truly felt like I had the coolest life in the world and made lists of options for my life.
Now I choose a direction, any direction, and go with it. Choosing the first goal that comes to mind is not a commitment, it's a path whose destination is unknown.